Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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