she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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