You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
