His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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