you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
