it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
