so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
