Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she peed on how many people?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We are two peas in an std pod
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
