just come out here and I will go home with you...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
