weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
