GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
