It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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