Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
