Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
