He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
false alarm, still single
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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