My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
