just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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