He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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