Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
