thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
