im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
