I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
