Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
