'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
