I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
