you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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