Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
