this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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