How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
