Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
