Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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