Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
