I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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