I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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