God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
