So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
