We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
