TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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