I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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