Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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