your parents love me but you hate me
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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