It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
