Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
