why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
