I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
