So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
