We won't sleep together?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
