I just made out with a guy for $7.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
