alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Boobs speak an international language.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
