Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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